This post is especially for my good friend who is going on a VERY scary date. Let me emphasize scary. You know, going out with a normal, good-looking, successful, witty and sexy man. Here’s to your date, hoping for the best, dating tips you can’t go wrong with.
Dates are scary, maybe. Only if you put pressure on yourself to expect the most perfect date. It typically doesn’t happen. Chemistry, compatibility and that special click is extremely hard to find today. With all these stupid games people play, how are we ever supposed to know what someone is looking for? Granted, if you were looking for that exact thing; the bold relationship, you could go on a dating site, run through a few dates and hope you find Mr or Ms. Right. For the rest of us, as we go about our lives, occasionally skipping across a so called “dateable”, the pressure is definitely a little more intense. What happens if it doesn’t work, her best friend is your friends girlfriend. AWKWARD. Or what happens if we were meant to be and it is a great date, then what? My job takes a lot of my time and I am thinking about transferring to another location. He said he only has a bike so asked if we could meet there… is this normal?
If you have thought about any of these questions, you my friend are WAY too far ahead of yourself. It is a date. Think of it like an interview. The more you go on the better you get, the more comfortable you feel and easier it is to see if is a good fit. Why do you think serious companies will have three or four interviews with you before hiring? They want to make sure the fit is good on both sides. Recently in fact, I considered canceling multiple times on a job interview I wasn’t completely smitten by. In the end I was SO glad I didn’t. Even if it ends up not being a position I want to take or one I don’t get an offer from, I have learned a lot from the interview and have definitely gained a clearer picture of what exactly I want and where I want to be in my career.
Dating is no different. Sometimes you have to go through a few of the wrong ones to realize what is right, what feels right and what you need at that point in your life. Whether it is a girl or a guy that asks you out on a date, DO NOT cancel the day of. Talk about being the LORD of Douche bags. And don’t assume they will be around on Sunday to grab dinner. In life, we don’t always get second chances. Finally…. What do you honestly have to lose? Two hours of your time? That is probably the most valuable thing you will lose, which can be easily gained later on.
Here are some dating tips for the actual date:
Tell the Truth– Yes, your grandparents were in the circus, leave this information out of your first date conversation. Anything that might make your date go running for the hills- leave at home. If your date asks what you did today think about the single biggest thing you did today. If you were running all over town for a pair of sheer black stockings or grey striped tie for your date, this is not something you should mention. However, say for example you laid in bed all day, went through a few emails and flipped through some channels, your best bet would be to mention you had a lot of emails and work to sort through.
There is no “type”– If the question arises as to what you are looking for, what you go for and so on, do not state that you have a type. You are confused. Unless you only date men that have red hair, are 7′ tall and are professional bowlers… I wouldn’t really say you have a type. There are characteristics that maybe all your past dates and significant others have had, for example- they were all from San Diego. But you do not have a type. And if you say this, you will sound as shallow as a baby pool. Also if you decide to ignore this information, just know that you might unintentionally insult your date. How would you like it if he said to little 34A YOU that he typically went for “bigger” blondes. Not very nice huh?
Don’t Interrupt– Wait at least 2 seconds after your date stops talking to chime in. I once went on a date where the guy literally would ask me a question and then six words into my answer he would not only ask me another question but it would be completely off topic. I had to help myself from not laughing in his face. I know you boys might get nervous, but please just RELAX.
Chivalry– This really goes for guys, do not open the door, walk in and let your date follow. Rude. You are not going to dinner with your sister. Actually to be honest, my brother wouldn’t even do this. You don’t have to go crazy with this, like open her car door, but remember the basics your mom taught you? Dig deep and find those, or call your mom up before your date if your mind is still drawing a blank.
The Dating Tips
-If a food made you sick earlier do not tell me about it over dinner, your mom, sister or ex girlfriend may care, but your date most definitely does not.
-Guys: Unless you know for sure she is a die hard sports fan, do not bring up weekend scores, unbelievable carries or a running list of recruits you are following. She will lose interest a.k.a you will never see her again.
-Ladies: When a guy asks how your week was, be positive. No guy wants to hear about how your boss forgot to order ink for the printer or about your co-worker who eats apples like a monkey. Also, no three word answers, if you aren’t engaging, he will lose interest and then you will be stuck on a date of mindless back and forth chit chat. No universal answers.
-Guys: When you’re with all your hot dog friends it is fine to talk yourself up, we know guys are competitive, that’s okay. But when you’re on a date with a girl, she is obviously already impressed by you considering she is on the date, so talk about yourself but no arrogant, egotistical lines. “Yeah, I’m the top in this industry, really no one has anything over me and my clients” Umm seriously, biggest turn off ever, if it weren’t for the food I would have already peaced out.
-Ladies: Granted, guys love a girl with attitude and saucy sexiness but when you’re a bitch to the waiter because he forgot your lemon, your date will forget you. Leave the bitchy attitude at home.
-Guys: Do NOT under any conditions talk about your sex life. You talk about your sex life to your booty call not the girl you just asked out on a date. At the end of the day, if you talk about your sex game, style and how many bitches you have the opportunity to bang a day, that girl will not only get up and leave but you will be left alone… to call your booty call.
-Ladies: Probably the easiest thing to remember- say Thank You! While girls may go on numerous dates, guys are less likely to take a ton of girls out, he may wait to feel things out and then if he is really interested he will call you for a date. Don’t act like he takes every girl on a date because chances are, he doesn’t. Don’t run late, RUDE. Say Thank you, make eye contact and give him a hug (handshakes are for the president).
-Ladies and Gents: Whether your date is at 12pm or 9pm make sure you brush your grill before, and take some mints if your date decides to take you to “Authentic India” for curry or garlic greens.
Questions For First Dates
Ask questions. If you are truly interested in someone these should just flow, but I know we all get nervous, especially if you are on a date with someone you’re actually really interested in. Here are some great questions to keep in the back of your mind if conversation runs dry… And remember leave politics in your living room and religion at your place of worship.
- So are you a sports guy/ girl? Or, did you ever play sports in school?
- Do you follow any teams?
- With work have you been able to go home recently or for the holidays?
- How did you get into the field (work) you are in now?
- Have you traveled anywhere exciting recently?
- What are you doing now?
- Do you have any siblings?
- Do you still see your friends from school normally or is it mostly people from work etc?
- What did you study in school?
- Do you ever go to live events, concerts, games?
- Do you have any goals for the next few years, or places where you want to try and go, things you want to do?
- If you notice they have an iphone you can say something like Ahhh your an Apple person too eh… no droid? This can lead into just conversing about what’s going on in the world today.
- Do you have any fears? Have you ever been sky diving? What’s the craziest thing you have ever done?
- What kind of music do you listen to?
Engaging- Bring up something you did recently that was really cool, say for example you went to the downtown art walk, or listened to a great record. Bring it up and talk about it, this allows your date into your life.
This post is already too long, and all I can think of for the moment. So stop blaming work as an excuse, your love life is not something you want to just put on the back burner until you have time. Life is short, be forward!